On Problematic Romances (& why we should stop writing them)

When I was thirteen, I discovered the popular writing platform, Wattpad, and fell immediately into the "teen fiction" tag for my next great read. I had started reading YA romance novels that summer and found myself hooked on each trope and cliche I could possibly become obsessed with. I was young, inexperienced, and since I had no real interactions with dating, sex, and relationships, my view of the aforementioned was shaped almost entirely by what I was reading.

This, of course, is noteworthy because of the types of books I was drawn to.

The fact of the matter is, I wanted a "bad boy" of my own.

Now, if we're being frank, the arc of these books I enjoyed oh-so-much was pretty much the same thing regurgitated over and over again. Frequently, it featured an eligible bachelor with a world-class reputation for being a "player" (meaning, he was a hoe and probably had the clap or something but no one ever mentions the bad boy's STDs), his name was probably something like Ryder or Alec or Archer, he liked leather jackets, had a motorcycle, somehow sported tattoos even though he was a minor, said a lot of bad words, etc. The main character was always some generic white chick with the personality of a bag of lettuce and your token good girl.  Usually, there was a bet or some agreement that brought them together, and suddenly he would abandon his ways for her. Despite the clear formula, I read this garbage over and over and over and over again. It was what I lived for, as dramatic as that sounds.

I authentically believed that, because I was the stereotypical book-loving girl, I was going to find my own bad boy and fall madly in love or whatever.

Now, this probably doesn't sound inherently harmful at face value. However, the problem is, the bad boy often came with a lot of other tropes in the genre that were detrimental. These boys could often be cruel, to the point of bullying and harassment. They often didn't ask for consent when they made moves, coerced the "good" girl into doing things she didn't want to do and were blatantly toxic in some cases. Because it was in the name of "true love" any incidents of hateful words exchanged, or borderline abuse, were all forgiven. Thirteen-year-old me saw nothing wrong with that.

I didn't know any better, and since I internalized the lessons I took from books, I failed to see many red flags in quite a few of my future boyfriends. Obviously, I've learned a lot and am very different in my perspective of romance, but the point remains.

I'm all about freedom of speech life. It's not my intention to make rules or infringe upon other people's right to expressing themselves. However, I think people should take more care in what media they're portraying. Authors are magicians. We have the power to change, shape, and evolve the minds of young people. When we write a character young girls love, and he's abusive toward the main character those readers see themselves in, a problem arises. We create a subconscious link between unacceptable behavior and true love. Surely this is glaringly obvious.

It goes without saying that this trend needs to change. It's one thing if the toxic character changes or the main character breaks off that relationship, but it's another if we act as though those "flaws" are something that doesn't really matter. I assure you, literature has an impact, and we need to acknowledge the power of words in everything written.

Just some food for thought.