First Semester Of Junior Year: A Reflection
High school is one of the most overwhelming experiences of my entire life. When I began as a freshman in 2016, I'll admit that I didn't think it would be. I entered high school one thing, and now, two and a half years in, I'm a completely different person, new and improved, and sure of who I am. The funny thing is, from middle school, we're taught that junior year is the most important academic year on transcripts. We're taught that it's the most stressful part of high school and that people go crazy trying to achieve perfection. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly stoked to start this critical academic year.
My first day came and went, and I thought everything was great. I didn't have too many assignments, my teachers (except for my math instructor) were fantastic, and life was generally fine. Then, just a few weeks later, my to-do lists started to look like this:
For context, I'm enrolled in a fairly rigorous course load, but nothing extreme. This is the combination of AP homework, scholarships essays and application details, and the occasional extra-curricular activity. I eventually reached a point in which I sat at my desk crying while doing math homework because I had to schedule my emotional breakdowns in a way that let me still get work done. The grind doesn't stop for mental health. Life doesn't stop for mental health. It's no wonder people are more stressed than ever.
As the semester progressed, my workload alternated from one extreme to another. I either had more homework than I could handle or none at all. Stress ate away at my psyche, making me more tired than I ever believed possible. I've written significantly less than I have in years. Considering writing is my greatest passion and what I want to do with my life, it's been disheartening to almost never have the time, energy, or creativity to sit down and write a chapter or even a few stanzas of a poem. But this isn't a situation specific to me exclusively. There are probably millions of teenagers across America losing the time to pursue their passions because of school work.
I'd be willing to bet all the high school students in the US, especially juniors, are going to really enjoy this winter break. Some, like me, will reconnect with those hobbies and passions that went neglected. Others will just embrace some time of peace and quiet. Regardless of what we choose to spend our time doing, January will come sooner than expected.
And then the cycle starts again.
So naturally, some of you reading this are probably wondering where all this pressure comes from. Why are teens existing instead of living? What happened to enjoying the 'best four years of one's life'??
Well, first of all, if high school is the best four years of my life, there's nothing sadder than that reality.
But second, we have to examine what makes junior year so grueling.
One word.
College.
My list has been changing since freshman year. Some kids haven't made one at all. Some kids are hinging everything they have on an ivy-league acceptance letter. While I'm (thankfully) more grounded than that, the pressure on me is just as crushing as it is for others. We're all told by the public school system that college is the only way to go, which is not only untrue but also traps students into thinking they don't have other options. Not only that, there's pressure to get into a 'dream' college. To be 'dream' college material, you take AP classes, fit some extracurriculars in, and do everything you can to be as appealing as humanly possible.
I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday, a freshman at UC Berekely who was the poster child for stress his junior year. He was taking more AP classes than I ever saw possible, involved in speech and debate, and yet, somehow he made it out intact. He told me that he was loving college, and for once in his life was focusing on the journey, not the destination. His mental health is good, and he's authentically happy, as I hope to be when I begin college in two years. This is how most of my friends who have graduated seem to feel.
High school is a dark place. Many of us are constantly pushing ourselves to the breaking point to get to college. What happens next is adulthood, finding out who we are, and chasing dreams until they're realities. We look forward to that. We're practically in the waiting room of the perfect life, rather than already living it. What struck me was that concept of enjoying what's happening now instead of focusing on the future. After all, you can't really be happy if you aren't content.
Everyone's happiness is different. I've found that the reason I'm happy most often is that I'm embracing silver linings when I get them, rather than telling myself I'll be happy in a few years. That idea is toxic. Living in the now, and being content now, is the only way to be happy in my eyes.
So here's the hang-up with high school; most people aren't happy now. And that needs to change. So my goal from 2019 is to work on being happy with life now, and even though I'll be focused on the future. I'll try to be more present. I encourage all of you, even if you're not a student anymore, to do the same.
Stayed tuned for my thoughts on my second semester. I wish you all luck in finding happiness.
-Mads
My first day came and went, and I thought everything was great. I didn't have too many assignments, my teachers (except for my math instructor) were fantastic, and life was generally fine. Then, just a few weeks later, my to-do lists started to look like this:
For context, I'm enrolled in a fairly rigorous course load, but nothing extreme. This is the combination of AP homework, scholarships essays and application details, and the occasional extra-curricular activity. I eventually reached a point in which I sat at my desk crying while doing math homework because I had to schedule my emotional breakdowns in a way that let me still get work done. The grind doesn't stop for mental health. Life doesn't stop for mental health. It's no wonder people are more stressed than ever.
As the semester progressed, my workload alternated from one extreme to another. I either had more homework than I could handle or none at all. Stress ate away at my psyche, making me more tired than I ever believed possible. I've written significantly less than I have in years. Considering writing is my greatest passion and what I want to do with my life, it's been disheartening to almost never have the time, energy, or creativity to sit down and write a chapter or even a few stanzas of a poem. But this isn't a situation specific to me exclusively. There are probably millions of teenagers across America losing the time to pursue their passions because of school work.
I'd be willing to bet all the high school students in the US, especially juniors, are going to really enjoy this winter break. Some, like me, will reconnect with those hobbies and passions that went neglected. Others will just embrace some time of peace and quiet. Regardless of what we choose to spend our time doing, January will come sooner than expected.
And then the cycle starts again.
So naturally, some of you reading this are probably wondering where all this pressure comes from. Why are teens existing instead of living? What happened to enjoying the 'best four years of one's life'??
Well, first of all, if high school is the best four years of my life, there's nothing sadder than that reality.
But second, we have to examine what makes junior year so grueling.
One word.
College.
My list has been changing since freshman year. Some kids haven't made one at all. Some kids are hinging everything they have on an ivy-league acceptance letter. While I'm (thankfully) more grounded than that, the pressure on me is just as crushing as it is for others. We're all told by the public school system that college is the only way to go, which is not only untrue but also traps students into thinking they don't have other options. Not only that, there's pressure to get into a 'dream' college. To be 'dream' college material, you take AP classes, fit some extracurriculars in, and do everything you can to be as appealing as humanly possible.
I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday, a freshman at UC Berekely who was the poster child for stress his junior year. He was taking more AP classes than I ever saw possible, involved in speech and debate, and yet, somehow he made it out intact. He told me that he was loving college, and for once in his life was focusing on the journey, not the destination. His mental health is good, and he's authentically happy, as I hope to be when I begin college in two years. This is how most of my friends who have graduated seem to feel.
High school is a dark place. Many of us are constantly pushing ourselves to the breaking point to get to college. What happens next is adulthood, finding out who we are, and chasing dreams until they're realities. We look forward to that. We're practically in the waiting room of the perfect life, rather than already living it. What struck me was that concept of enjoying what's happening now instead of focusing on the future. After all, you can't really be happy if you aren't content.
Everyone's happiness is different. I've found that the reason I'm happy most often is that I'm embracing silver linings when I get them, rather than telling myself I'll be happy in a few years. That idea is toxic. Living in the now, and being content now, is the only way to be happy in my eyes.
So here's the hang-up with high school; most people aren't happy now. And that needs to change. So my goal from 2019 is to work on being happy with life now, and even though I'll be focused on the future. I'll try to be more present. I encourage all of you, even if you're not a student anymore, to do the same.
Stayed tuned for my thoughts on my second semester. I wish you all luck in finding happiness.
-Mads
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